Who am I?

Thank you for stopping to take a peek! My name is Jackie. I am a wife, a mother of four boys and GiGi to two beautiful grandchildren.

I am an intensely private person, for my own self- preservation, so creating this blog was like being hung from the rack for me but I’m doing it- because I survived. I survived it all. For whatever reason currently unknown to me. Beginning this blog, is the beginning of what I believe will be the pathway to my healing.

I am a person that is very good at placing things in boxes, both emotionally and physically,  to be dealt with later, only later never seems to come. I have packed away large sections of my life, mind and memory over the years and now it seems some of the boxes are tearing open and the contents of a life filled with trauma, abuse and mental illness are spilling out and must be dealt with.

I have written and journal-ed off and on since I was in grade school. I have been through years of behavioral therapy, individual counseling, group counseling, 2 hospitalizations and 2 day programs. I began studying for my Bachelors in Mental Health and Human Services with a concentration in Addiction Studies but bailed out of college after 3 years, just a few classes short of a degree. The subject matter just hit me too hard. It was as if I was trying to cure myself of all my afflictions by knowing everything I could about my mind. As if it would make me immune to my reactions-immune to myself. It didn’t.

Today, I am trying to take my time and be patient with myself. I am trying to forgive myself for my reactions to the things that happened to me. One day at a time.