Who am I?

Thanks for joining me! My name is Jackie. I am the wife of a wonderful husband, mother of four boys and GiGi to one beautiful little girl. I am an intensely private person, so creating this blog was like being hung from the rack for me but I put on my headphones and powered through the wet cement in my mind to create what I believe will be the pathway to my healing. I have not really been out in public much or talked to anyone other than my immediate family and the custodian of my med management, a psychiatric nurse practitioner to whom I credit my current clarity of mind, since my last hospitalization in 2012. It wasn’t until I signed up for, what I thought, was a writing “class” and walked into a writing “workshop”, that I knew my life was changing in a big way. Until that moment, I was ignorant of the difference and I was under-prepared and overwhelmed. I am private for my own protection and it seems writers must become masters at self-promotion. I’m going to add that to my list of things I must do…NOT.

I am a person that is very good at placing things in boxes, both emotionally and physically,  to be dealt with later, only later never seems to come. I have packed away large sections of my life, mind and memory over the years and now it seems some of the boxes are tearing open and the contents of a life filled with trauma, abuse and mental illness are spilling out and must be dealt with.

I have written and journal-ed off and on since I was in grade school. I have been through years of behavioral therapy, individual counseling, group counseling, 2 hospitalizations and 2 day programs. I began studying for my Bachelors in Mental Health and Human Services with a concentration in Addiction Studies but bailed out of college after 3 years, just a few classes short of a degree. The subject matter just hit me too hard. I was trying to cure myself of all my afflictions as if knowing everything I could about a disease would make me immune to it. It didn’t.

I recently admitted to myself that writing was what I really wanted to be doing and that I should have been doing it all along and it was high time I got to doing something about it. So, here goes- I’m all in!! Well, I’m heading there..going in the right direction anyway… If only one person out there can relate and know they are not alone by reading my ramblings, I will feel my purpose is filled…While each of our battles are fought single-handed and in private; there is no need for any of us to feel we are alone and suffering in this big world…

 

 

 

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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Just trying to work through it..

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